Such a Genderqueer

I'm an androgynous female.
My birth name is "Melanie".
But I also like to be called "Devan".
My net name is NRJF, I'm mainly called that.
Being androgynous, I'm very... VERY genderqueer, I find.
I feel stuck in the middle.
Mainly leaning towards being a guy.
I'm fine with my body, but, some days
I feel like a boy. I let my arm hair and leg hair grow a lot, I let my armpit hair go a bit, I don't care much for my hair, I just make it decent. I don't wear perfume or jewelry. I dress like a guy (despite the generally girly clothes my mom buys me) and tighten my bras a little more than usual to flatten them some.
But other days, I feel like a girl. I shave like crazy, including my arms, I wear jewelry, girly clothes, perfume, and I do my hair really well. As best as I can, actually.
But despite what I feel like.
Or look like.
I act neutral.
I like being called a "he" as much as I like being called a "she".
My persona even reflects my general nuetralness. She goes by three names.
Melanie
Devan
And NRJF
He looks like a guy and a girl.
And acts just like me.



Honestly, sometimes I feel as though I have a personality disorder of a sort. Like a split one cause of this. One minute I feel like a big, burly, selfish jerk and the next I feel very dainty and pure. One minute I feel like a gentleman and the next I feel like a dirty slut.


But I'm pretty comfortable. I've been having these thoughts lately and, honestly, I feel like I need to write them down. So. I did. I really don't know if anyone's going to read this incredibly disorganized train of thought, but, I also don't know what to say or think if anyone does.




Because, honestly, ^{_{I'm a little lost too.}}